A surprise that came with becoming a writer is the need for public speaking. To be honest, this wasn’t something I had foreseen and even if I had, I wouldn’t have worried a jot. I was the kid in high school who signed up for public speaking competitions for fun! I was on the debating team and later, during my career in media and public relations, I used to take part in Toast Masters to brush up on my presentation skills. Public speaking hasn’t been the worry for me I know it is for many others. When my best friend died six years ago, I didn’t hesitate to get up and speak at the funeral. At my latest stint at university a few short years ago, I was more than happy to address a lecture hall full of undergrad students. Imagine then, my shock when nerves overcame me at my first book club meeting last week.
A friend asked if I would be interested in coming to speak at her book club meeting. I was delighted. I pride myself on taking every opportunity to promote my work. The ladies read my two published short stories, and I shared with them an unpublished piece of work and a little about my writing journey. I have only been writing in earnest for just under a year and this was a golden opportunity to gain local exposure.
I chatted easily as the group caught up on gossip. We talked about the two stories they had read and how much the group enjoyed them despite the gritty content. After coffee and cake, I read aloud my short story ‘Triangulo Amoroso’ and that’s when it went wrong. I don’t know how to pronounce some of the Spanish words in my story and stumbled over them. During the reading, I found a glaring typo despite this story being proofread a hundred times. I tried a bit of eye contact throughout the reading, but afterwards my teeth wouldn’t stop chattering. So finally, I understood, this is what everyone talks about when they say they hate public speaking.
Days later and I try to analyse what went wrong. I was stressed and had failed to compensate and give myself a bit of leeway. I ignored the nerves and blindingly continued without doing what I could to ease my stress, and my nerves had gotten the better of me. I hadn’t made the most of the opportunity. I forgot to get a pic for social media and a much bigger mistake was not using the opportunity to add the book club ladies to my email list.
At lunch with a psychologist friend, we unpacked my emotions. First, I admitted I have been under pressure, both personally and professionally and hadn’t acknowledged the stress nor tried to ease it. Denial is apparently not the best coping mechanism.
I underestimated how much personal emotion I would need to bring in the telling of my writing journey. Without sounding pompous, I write because I breathe. It’s as simple as that. Writing is important. It makes me feel alive and I love to connect with others through my words. Yet, I almost felt, I bared my soul upon the page, must I bear it in person too? And the answer it seems, is yes.
The resounding feedback from the book club was that they enjoyed having a writer present in the flesh. I wasn’t someone they googled on the way to book club, I am a person who desperately wants to connect with the world through my writing. And so yes, I must bear my soul in person.
My tips then are preparation, preparation, preparation. I should have worked out how to say the Spanish words. I should have taken a clipboard so the ladies could have added their names to my email list. Above all, I should have acknowledged the strain I was under and been kinder to myself.
My tip for you (and for me in future) is to recognise and acknowledge stress and take steps to alleviate it. I could have acknowledged the stress and noted that nervousness helps; that adrenalin can and will enhance performance. I could have talked to myself instead of ignoring the jumbled thoughts in my head. I could have told myself that it was ok; it was just a book club meeting that nobody was out there to judge me.
Above all, I should remind myself to smile.
As writers, we often prefer to stay in the worlds we create in our heads. My learning this week, is that we can’t stay there. If we are to truly connect with our readers, we need to speak to them and more often than not, this will require us to speak publicly. So dear friends, feel the fear and do it anyway. It will hurt, but I have been reassured, that in time the fear will subside and although it may not become an enjoyable task, it can be a task that won’t cause our teeth to chatter.
Nadia! We had no idea you were so nervous! For me, it was wonderful to realise that other people, even writers, can’t pronounce some names as well! We definitely should have taken a photo and I will email you our address list! It was the first time we had an author to our book club and will definitely do it again as it adds another dimension!
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Thank you Jane for hosting me for this – I am hugely appreciative of all your support. xxx
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How interesting to read this, Nadia! For me, you certainly hide your nerves well and portrayed a sincere human being who is able to write with emotionally & honestly about things that you see, hear and talk about! Oh to have your wonderful talent! I think it’s good to be a little nervous, but don’t beat yourself up about the small stuff! (Jane can give you all our email addresses!) and none of us could speak Spanish either (so pronunciation was never under scrutiny!!). Meeting you in person and feeling your dedication made more of an impression that you realised. I was sorry to leave a little early, but I came home and read both short stories again – only this time you were telling it to me! Thank you and be kinder to your self – you have much to share!
PS Yes, smile more – you have a beautiful smile!! 🙂
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Thank you Ros for your kind and supportive words. Maybe I can return in future and try to more relaxed… My very best wishes to you and for your comments above. They are very much appreciated.
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Glad you conquered your fear dear. I wish I would do the same.
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Don’t think I have conquered it Resh but it can’t get worse, surely?
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I can understand your nerves Nadia. I hate speaking publicly, but how we think we are and how others perceive us is usually very different things. I used to have to talk a lot publicly when I worked at university and I would put so much pressure on myself and be negative about myself, then people would day I did great! I’m sure you did well judging by the comments above.
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Thanks Cynthia, we are definitely our own harshest critics but at least that drives us to strive for more.
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I did debate in high school too, and yet I also get extremely nervous sometimes when I have to do public speaking. I think there is definitely a difference between having everything planned out beforehand versus speaking off the top of your head. Love your tips and the perspective you offer here, especially your wonderful advice to “feel the fear and do it anyway.” ❤
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It seems to be harder to do the older we get. I would prefer to not be so reticent. Hopefully with time it will become easier.
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I can totally relate! In my job as an interpreter, I often stand if front of hundreds and sometimes thousands of people but don’t bat an eyelid. It’s not me. It’s who I’m interpreting for. But put me up there as myself, I turn red, I can’t think and I turn into a dribbling mess!
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It’s so much harder when it’s personal. But I take my hat off to you for getting up in front of an audience of thousands.
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